A question that comes up repeatedly from parents and spouses of spectrumites is “Is it the Asperger’s or is he just being difficult?” Some say (and I can relate) “Sometimes he can be a real ass.” There have been plenty of times when I’ve been an ASS and needed to be called on it and take responsibility for it. Bottom line, it isn’t a question of Asperger’s versus typical, it is a question of to what degree the child, teen or adult on the spectrum is able to consciously choose their behavior. By consciously choosing I’m referring to whether the person is aware of what options exist for how to respond in a given situation. When I work with my sons and clients I emphasize personal responsibility and self awareness among other things. Through observation I make note of what aggravates and calms them and then I point it out in a way that they’re likely to hear it. I might say, “I notice you seem more re...
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